Promise Me

Through the years we have had different kids live with us. My boys had many friends that simply needed a safe place to land "for a minute." Interestingly, the boys I MOST worried about came through with flying colors. One moved on to ROCK college and continue on to Graduate School. The other has a family and works hard to provide a stable home environment. They have grown into respectable young men heading down paths that will lead to success. I'm proud of who they are and what they have accomplished.  Whew! Load off my shoulders.

The other day I pulled up Facebook and read the following post:

If I can live a junkie life, I can live the homeless life. Did it at age 14, so i can do this again

I have had this stupid post on my mind. Not just a little bit. A whole bunch. I worked in the yard all weekend and my thoughts kept drifting to my friend and this post.

Tiny lived with us for a small stretch. You would have to look him in the eyes to see what I see. BUT I see him. I do. He is such a good kid. The world is simply waiting for him to take hold and become the hero in his own story.

There was a small stretch of time when my boys lost friends to drugs, alcohol, even suicide. They have been pall bearers and were forced to say goodbye and place their friends in the ground. Heartbreaking is not nearly a strong enough word. But it WAS heartbreaking.

When I went to Jordan's funeral, Tiny was there. After the services, he walked up to give me a hug. Imagine his surprise when instead of wrapping my arms around him, I kicked him. Hard. In the shins. 

I told him I wasn't doing this again. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I won't watch him destroy himself. I won't attend another funeral. I won't bury him. Ain't gonna happen.

So, Tiny, knock it off. I'm serious. See what I see. Believe in yourself like my family believes in you. 

Christopher Robin said to Pooh:

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Tiny. If you are reading this...I believe in you.

Timing is Everything

I got an email from Pat last week. She said:

A little background here. I have been feeling a tightness and pain around my ribs. I’ve complained about it to my drs.
The plastic surgeon sent me for an xray. Nothing there. 
So, I’ve suffered through for a month or so, Still not going away so I call my gp and ask for any other thing that will help. He sends me in for a ct scan on Mon. Uvrmc.No call on Tues. Then his nurse finally calls me back. Blake wants to see you in the office - yesterday.That was around 3.  I finally buzz up there around 4ish.Blake reports that there is something on my sternam. The tech writes ‘mass indicated on sternum. Metastasization conducive to breast cancer.So, Blake says not to panic or think the worst, we will not know for sure until they do some testing/biopsy. However, he gives me a hug when I’m leaving and says don’t worry too much about it. It’ll get all ironed out. After several tries got a hold of the oncologist’s office. Spoke to the dr. he says he has looked at the scans. They see two lesions on the lung and one on the sternum. I have an appt later today to talk to him about the CT scan and scheduling a biopsy.

I haven't seen Pat in a while. Life gets in the way and my days slip into weeks which slip into months and I find that I haven't done a single thing that I vow to do. Ugh.

Saturday, I made time and went to a matinee with Pat.

She's sick.

Yesterday I asked her what her oncologist said. She told me that the focus will be to keep her as comfortable as possible. Radiation to see if they can get her pain level down. Then chemo to see if any of the tumors can be kept at bay for a time. 

I'm pissed. Okay, I'm sad but most mostly I'm mad. Beyond words. 

In 2011 the movie Country Strong hit the theaters. Because I love movies, popcorn, and Tim McGraw, (not necessarily in that order) I headed to the local Cinemark a couple of weeks after it was released. I VERY MUCH liked the movie and when it was released to DVD, I promptly bought it. 

In the beginning of the movie, Beau and Kelly (Garrett Hedlund and Gwyneth Paltrow) are writing/singing a song about timing. 

Makes me think. What if I hadn't moved into those apartments? Many stars aligned to place me there. Mark and I divorced. I moved to Montana. I decided to go to school and I moved back. I landed in those apartments. 

I was sad to be divorced. I was scared to go to school. I was busy with little kids. I needed a good friend.

I met Babbette. We became friends. Good friends. I met Calleen. We became friends. Good friends. I met Donna. We became friends. Good friends. And I met Pat. We became friends. Good friends. 

Makes me think that there really is a purpose to the little things. Through heartache and sadness, I met some of the most wonderful people. Pat is one of them. 

I have dear friends. I have been blessed with wonderful relationships that transcend time. Timing is everything.

Well, you can call it fate

or destiny.

Sometimes it really seems like

it's a mystery.

Cause you can be hurt by love 

or healed by the same.

Timing is everything.