Time Is On Your Side

I remember being young.  It really wasn't THAT long ago. I remember the fashions, the music (ESPECIALLY) the music. I can still recall the vehicles that were on the road and the "special effects" that were so AWESOME in the movie theater.  Jaws was SUPER scary.  ET was phenomenal and Star Wars was the COOLEST MOVIE EVER.  I rocked the Farrah hair and light blue eye shadow.

I now live with my kids making fun of my Farrah hair, my clothes, my movies.  Sigh.  At least they still like my music.  (I think 80's rock will forever rule the airwaves.)

I think about all I have experienced.  Some of what I went through, I really don't care to recall.  I don't necessarily speak of all I have experienced. There really isn't much to gain from recalling the ick in my life. But, I did it. I survived. I grew. I blossomed. I'm proud.

There are things I wish I could have done. I wish I had set myself up better financially. I wish I had gone to college young and without 4 kids ... I wish I had dabbled in photography at a young age ... I wish I could go to Europe and see all the art ... I wish I had been able to get a piano earlier and had kept playing ... I wish I had gotten braces YEARS ago. Yep ... I have wished.  I have wanted different.  Sometimes I even hoped for more.  I'm not unhappy with what I have. I have a life to envy. I am talented, strong, independent and I really am a great Mom. I know this.  No, my wishes aren't regrets, they're just wishes.

I have watched my kids go through some tough things. It makes me incredibly sad. Taylor Swift has a song called "Never Grow Up".  She talks about a time when "Nobody hurt you. Nobody broke your heart."  I wish I could give that to my kids. I want to line up the people that hurt them and smack them good and hard upside the head.  That would be TOTALLY AWESOME.

Instead, I try to understand something that isn't understandable. I try to soothe pain that is not sootheable, I try to fix what cannot be fixed, to mend something that should have never been broken.  Yet, I will never truly succeed in my efforts. The strength and power to overcome these things are built within them.

So, I tell them the lame words "hang in there".  Maybe what they don't know is that time is on their side. They have so much ahead of them that they get to experience. Don't waste time on wishes. Spend time accomplishing wishes. Knock your dreams out of the park and get out there and grab some more.

No, I'm not old (yet) but my time of wishes is more behind me than in front of me. That's not all bad. I find my wishes are more focused on my kids. My wish for Tyson is that his family stays strong and healthy. That he will know pure joy as his family grows.

My wish for both my older boys is to be able to rid themselves of the demons that haunt them. To know that they could not control the decisions that their friends faced. I wish I could erase the pain for them.

My wish for Goose is always to be the man I know he keeps locked inside. To always be honorable and strong, yet to make sure to look at the other side of the story and remember that most people are just trying to do their best.

My wish for Tanna would be to find peace in her life. To make peace with loved ones and to remember what she is made of. To not let the circumstances of her past rule her future.

My wish for Shelby would be to be vulnerable. To let her emotions show on the outside as they rumble around her inside. That she will find peace in the knowledge that some day the time will come when a boy will hear the song of her heart. And it's a great song.

My wish for Jaden would be the greatest of all wishes. He has the most time. His path in life hasn't be scarred with the pits and valleys of growing up. I wish for him to take advantage of the opportunities he can't even see yet.

Just as my past is my own, my future is my own. I hold the keys. I didn't get braces young, but I got them and I love my smile. I'll get a camera and dabble in photography now. I'll probably never be great, but I know I'll be good. I may never get to Europe to see the art, but I see as many plays, museums, art shows that I can find here in Utah and am inspired. I'll traipse through the rest of my life barefoot and full of wishes and hopes. Time is on my side.