Of Mice and Men

In 1937, John Steinback wrote a novel.  In 1939, a movie was made based on the book. In 1992, a new version of the movie was released. According to IMDb:

Two drifters, one a gentle but slow giant, try to make money working the fields during the Depression so they can fulfill their dreams. 

This movie is a favorite in the Deason household. The "gentle giant" played by John Malkovich is named Lenny. When Shelby decided to con her dad into letting her get a cat, her bargaining chip was "I already have a name picked out for him, Dad, it's Lenny." I now have a cat in my house. His name is Lenny.

I'm sitting here on a Saturday morning. Snow drifting down outside. Dogs curled at my feet. Wearing my favorite jammies. Wrapped in my favorite blanket.

I should be filled with comfort and peace. 

I'm not.

I got fired from my job.

First of all, I have never been fired from anything in my entire life. I'm usually well liked. I'm a hard worker and don't easily fall into distractions in the work environment. But, alas, when someone decides they don't like you (and that someone is your boss) there isn't much you can do about it but hold on tight and wait for the hammer to fall.

I've been dodging Jeff and his hammer for six months now. He found me. He axed me.

Jeff Clawson is the "Creative Director" for American Legacy publishing. This company puts out the Studies Weekly paper that is disbursed throughout some classrooms in the States. I was a designer there. It wasn't rocket science by any measure. The writers would submit articles for the paper and I had to slip in a graphic that fit the article. I liked my job and loved the "guys" I worked with.

The first Friday in June, Jeff called me into his office to inform me that I had made an error that cost the company over $4000. They had grounds to write me up and that I needed to follow the naming protocol of the company for my publications. I was fairly new to the company, so when he told me what had happened, I believed him. He WAS my boss, right? Why would he have any reason to be dishonest with me?

I was sick about it the entire weekend. I emailed the owner of my company and told him that I would do whatever is necessary to make this right.

When I got back to work on Monday, I went to Jeff and (after pondering all weekend about the situation) I told him that I believed that I hadn't been the one that had made the error. He told me to "cut the f*#%ing drama and get back to work". What?  

That lit a fire inside me to find out what had happened. As my investigation continued, I came to believe that the printing company had caused the error and we were being charged for something that we should not have to pay. I emailed the owner and told him what I had found out and that he should NOT have to pay for the error, but he should investigate it further.

Guess what. Long story short? Jeff had made the $4000 mistake. I didn't even work for Studies Weekly at the time the error was made. Jeff was attempting to pass it off on the "new" girl in order to avoid taking responsibility himself.

That is the day the wheels came off.

Jeff went from chatty and happy with me to sullen and negative towards me. He quit acknowledging my hellos. He started picking apart everything I touched. He took away publications from me. He did everything in his power to make my time at work as miserable as possible.

Most times, I didn't give him power over me. I kept thinking that I would kill him with kindness. I have repeated over and over to my kids that they need to remain true to who they are even in the face of mean and shallow people. How could I face my family if I did anything different?

So I kept my head low and tried VERY hard to stay out of the radar.

OBVIOUSLY it didn't work.

Somebody I work with went to my HR department and let them know that Jeff was creating a negative environment with me. HR came to me and requested a write up. I had been documenting everything that was going on. I submitted my write up. From what I hear, the "Powers That Be" brought Jeff in and talked to him. I was called into the HR office and was told that things should be getting better.

Didn't happen.

Within six weeks I was out of a job.

It's Christmas time. I need the money. I have a pretty screwed up disease. I need the benefits.

My family is happy to have me home. The house is clean again. Meals are cooked again. I'm having conversations with my kids again. Mark and I are becoming a stronger unit again. Yet, I worry and fret and fear and for our future.

I'm a believer in women. I think we are a pretty cool species and I'm proud to be strong and capable however, I can still be soft and vulnerable. I've always believed that men should be protective of women. ANY woman.

I have always known that there are "micey" men out there. I don't surround myself with little people, but in a work atmosphere, there isn't much choice.

So, I will "pick up my bootstraps" again. I will take what I need from this experience and discard the crap...again. Jeff Clawson will not win. Micey men NEVER do. He will remain shallow and mean and lonely and broken.

I, however, will fly.