Making Spaghetti

Last week a friend reached out to me. Distraught. Crying. Angry. Hurt. She felt all of this and more. I listened to her rant and cry and holler and yell. I heard the resignation in her voice and feared for her. This friend of mine has always been strong and kind and good. To hear that she had all but given up was not AT ALL something I was prepared to hear. I heard my self saying, "I get your anger. I understand the hurt. However, you don't get to quit. Sorry. Your purpose here is bigger than this. When I get sad or distraught or angry I remind myself that I have a life that can be envied. I remember that there are so many in this world that long for a life just like mine."

Was I fibbing? I don't know.

There have been a few things that have happened this last week that have left me licking wounds and wondering how in the world I'm going to get through "this". Much of what is going on is less-than-enviable.

After that call, I contemplated how hard everything has been. I got myself in a funk and NOTHING could pull me out.

Then I went downstairs to make dinner. Spaghetti.

I stood in MY kitchen, pulled out MY stainless steel pans, threw tomato sauce in MY programmable crockpot, opened MY cupboard full of seasoning to find the right concoction to make a delicious meal for MY family.

And it WAS good.

I watched MY television, I read MY book, I talked to MY spoiled rotten dogs, I cleaned MY house, I did MY dishes and I thought about all that I have.

Some days I wish I had a bigger house AND a maid to go with the added space. If I could do ANYTHING I wanted, I would travel the world over and go to EVERY SINGLE museum on the planet. I would hire a nutritionist and a cook. My personal seamstress would create a wardrobe designed by me. I would give my kids EVERYTHING they wanted or needed or desired and I wouldn't care one lick that they were spoiled rotten little brats. I would have. And get. And buy. I would want for nothing and those I know and love would have all they wish for.

However, I realize that I really don't want spoiled rotten entitled children. I love how giving and kind my kids are. Honest, good, generous, loyal, driven. Good qualities that each of my children possess because of the life experiences that have befallen them.

I really don't want a housekeeper. I enjoy cleaning. I LOVE my house and yard and dogs. I enjoy simple no-nonsense foods. My clothing is simple by choice. I am barefoot as often as I can because I choose bare feet. If I can't be shoeless? I have a closet FULL of hardly worn soles.

I have coats and gloves and shorts and tanks. I have a car and motorcycle. I have food when I'm hungry and a soft bed to lie upon when I need to rest. I have family and friends and loved ones to hold my hand and walk with me through the storms.

Maybe, just MAYBE I have all I need. I am. I have. I experience. I laugh. I cry. I feel.

I have learned that all I need is right here. It's in me. The times I despair and desire reflects on my own lost touch from within. It's not because I don't have. It's because I don't SEE what I have.

Mark has read The Book of Five Rings over and over and over again. His reading glasses adorn the book sitting on the bedside table easily within his grasp.  This quote by Miyamoto Musashi remains one of his favorite.

Something to think about, right?