Sigh.
I'm super busy. And super stressed.
Since blogging and (weirdly) cleaning is great therapy for me, I cleaned my house this morning. It looks good. It smells better. I went on the motorcycle with Mark for a bit. I felt the wind. I smelled the great outdoors. AND the sun landed on my shoulders. Now, I'm sitting down for part three of the therapy session. Tag. You're IT!
[insert evil laugh]
Anyone who knows a lick about me knows that I LOVE Tim McGraw. Not just a little. A whole lot.
When I found out that he was in the movie "The Shack", I counted the days to opening night at Cinemark. Tanna was my date. Extra large popcorn (Half kettle corn and half regular popcorn. No butter. Mark taught me no butter - you can eat more popcorn without butter weighing it down. Pat taught me to do half-and-half - because it's simply delicious.) Blankets. Water. Reclining chairs. Tim McGraw. Yep. I was set for a good time.
I won't go much into what the movie is about. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. I found it humorous in unanticipated ways. I loved how the holy figure was represented unexpectedly.
Time is discussed. I can't find the exact quote from the movie. My memory SUCKS anymore, but the quote was something to the effect of "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey."
Something we hear ALL the time right?
I am a worry-er. I fret. I ponder. I stress. Tons. I live my life according to what the future might hold. I'm so afraid of change that I freak out over what's ahead in the great unknown. I don't live in the now.
I so want to change that.
I've stated over and over again that I love being a mom. I was made for motherhood. I am strong because my kids are strong. I AM because my family expects absolutely nothing different. I am not allowed to be stagnate, so I wobble forward and learn and grow and become. In case you're wondering, it's why I swear so dang much. However, I do it. And for the most part, I'm grateful that I did.
I usually read every night. I slip on my jammies, climb into bed and after I let loose with a heavy sigh, I grab my book and begin living vicariously through the adventures of the main character.
Except when I'm too exhausted to read. At that time, Mark takes over and reads out loud to me. It's so lame, isn't it? Two old people reading in bed. However, I absolutely-without-a-shadow-of-doubt love this time with Mark and I adore when he reads to me.
Mark keeps the Book of Five Rings within easy grasp. Another book that the Sensei from his karate class gave him to read and we have never returned because Mark has yet to "be done" with it resides on the nightstand as well. We just ordered and received a book by Bruce Lee titled Striking Thoughts that now ornaments the table as well.
Yesterday was an I'm-so-tired-I-can't-stand-it day. Mark read to me. I'm finding the reoccurring theme from these larger-than-life Masters is time. Don't waste it. The past should stay there. The future is unknown. Why not live in today? Don't take preconceived thoughts with you on your daily journey. Be ready to learn and grow and become. No excuses. Just do it.
I was not the Mom that wanted "more" from my kids. I enjoyed baby-hood, terrible twos, toddler-hood, the elementary years, middle school time and alas, the dreaded high school years. I bawled and cried and howled and mourned as each journey came to an end and the door opened for a new adventure.
I worried so much about the changes that might come, that I (at times) forgot to relish the moment.
Then, this dang disease struck.
I find myself paralyzed with fear. I am so scared of what is ahead that I forget to be grateful for the NOW.
I begin my new journey today. At the risk of being lame (and I'm SO lame - trust me) I hereby vow to cherish moments. The things that matter are surrounded by time. Time to laugh. Time to share. Time to simply STOP and be still.
Time IS a gift. Isn't it?
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