The Game of Life

When I was a little girl, I used to love to play the board game Life. Sometimes I would get out the game and just "pretend" to play it all by myself. Wikipedia describes the game as:

The game simulates a person's travels through his or her life, from college to retirement, with jobs, marriage, and possible children along the way.

The modern game consists of a track on which players travel by spinning a small wheel (in the center of the board) with spaces numbered 1 through 10. The board also contains small mountains, buildings, and other three-dimensional objects. Playing pieces are small, colored, plastic automobiles which come in red, blue, white, yellow, orange, and green; each car has six holes in the top in which blue and/or pink "people pegs" are placed throughout the game as the player "gets married" and has or adopts "children". Some "early modern" editions have eight automobiles. 

I ALWAYS chose the blue car. I would carefully place my little pink lady peg in the drivers seat and wait patiently for the marriage space so that I could sit that blue peg right beside me. I would cross my fingers and offer secret prayers that I would be able to fill the rest of the car with pegs that represented children. I wanted two blue pegs and two pink pegs. Two boys and two girls. If I was by myself pretending, I would just start off with the car loaded EXACTLY the way I wanted it to be and off I would go spinning the wheel to see what my future might hold.

I don't remember the spaces on board of the game. I never worried about how much money I was going to get or what really cool education I might receive. I didn't care if I was a doctor, lawyer or a bum on the street. I was just concerned that I would be able to fill my car with the kids. If I was unable to fill my car before the end of the game? I lost. Even if I "won" I considered it a loss.

In the real world, I always always ALWAYS wanted children. I never considered going off to college or traveling or moving to some exotic location. I was born to be a mom.

I got married 3 weeks out of high school. June 15, 1983. I was pregnant by the first of the year. I was beginning to fill my car and nothing made me happier.  Tyson was born August 19, 1984. He was two months early. So began some pretty scary adventures for us. But he was such a strong boy. He pulled through with flying colors and we never looked back.

Goose came in 1987. Tanna in 1989 and Shelby in 1991. My car was full of the EXACT pegs I had always wished for.

9 years later Jaden was born.

If I could have had more children I would have. If I could adopt kids, I would. If I could be a foster parent, I would. If I had the means to run a home for needy children, I would. I love kids. I'll say it again. I LOVE KIDS. All kids.

I finally went to college and got my degree in graphic design. I'm good at what I do. Right now I'm doing quite a few wedding announcements for different couples. I have them come to my house and I meet with them. I ask about their engagement and their wedding plans. I LOVE to ask about how they met and fell in love. We talk about their plans for the future and I wonder to myself where they are going to land in their game of Life.

My wheel has been spinning for 48 years now. I have landed on some spaces that I couldn't get off of fast enough. Other times, I wish I could have lingered a bit longer before I had to load my car and move on. Despite the twists and turns that my vehicle in Life has taken, I ALWAYS have loaded up my car. I have always carefully placed all the pegs in proper order. Three blue pegs are placed first, followed by two pink pegs. I have extended my car to add room for another blue peg to represent Jaden. My car keeps getting longer as I have needed to add three pink for Diana, Daulton, Hailey and another blue for Bill.

Throughout my life I have seen the need to add pegs here and there to just give them a lift to another destination. We laugh on our road trip. We play games, tell stories, eat great car candy and I drop them off to complete their spin. However, I always keep my car open for them to hitch a ride. If you need to place your peg in my car for a bit? I'll be glad to a have you on board. If you have room in your car for those children in need? Open your car and invite them in. Sometimes they just need a little rest from the spinning wheel that places them into the darkness.

The Deason pegs...

Stolen Flowers

To me, one of the most beautiful sights is a cemetery on Memorial Day. Provo Cemetery is no exception.

I went to see Keith on Memorial Day.  I don't usually go to cemeteries on Memorial Day. It's the rebellious streak in me. I am not one to be told when I should remember a loved one. I want to do it my way in my time. I know that's lame. But it's just me and I don't do it.

This year Keith has been heavy on my mind. I find myself talking about him more often which causes me to think about him more often which causes me to look for him again every time I see a guy walking down the street with his hat pulled low or skateboarding by with his shirt off. Yep. I still miss him in the silence between every heartbeat.

Tanna asked if I would go with her to the cemetery. We loaded up in the jeep, cranked up the radio and sat in silence while we drove to see my boy.

I go see Keith several times a year. Sometimes when I go there are little gifts left for him on his gravestone. This year someone had dropped of some flowers. I was a bit shocked. I don't think I have ever seen flowers on his grave. Usually it's a blue bandana or a penny or a pepsi. Not flowers.

I cried.

I was so touched by that simple act of love.  I took the flowers home.

I know all the reasons why I SHOULDN'T have taken them. However, the reasons of why I SHOULD won.

I planted them in the little flower bed right by my driveway. EVERY SINGLE TIME I pull into my house I see Keith. I think of Keith. I feel Keith there.

The flowers are a little "bendy" right now. They'll snap out of it and flourish and will remain a reminder of a life that left us too early.

When you drive by my place and you see the brilliant white mums in my flower bed...join me and think of Keith. If you didn't know Keith. You missed meeting a shooting star. If you knew him? Well then, you know exactly what I mean.

P.S.  If YOU are the one to leave the flowers at the gravesite...thank you. I'd tell you that I'm sorry that I took them. I know you left them for Keith. But. I don't think I AM sorry. I'm just grateful. Come by my house. We'll share stories of the boy that we all miss.

Crash

One of my all time favorite watch it over and over and never get tired of it movies is Crash. I remember sitting in the theater the night I went. I'm sure I had a popcorn and coke and was just happy to get out of my reality for a moment. I've told you that I'm a BIG movie fan. I see everything. But I LOVE Sandra Bullock and I was particularly excited to see this movie.

The opening of the movie had a voice over that said:

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

I think about this ALL the time.  I'm a friendly kind of gal. I walk down the street and try to make eye contact with all that I pass. I say "hi" and smile even when they avoid that eye contact or are lost in their Ipod-cell-phone world.

It's so easy to do. So why don't we do it often? 

Am I wrong to think that we ALL miss human contact? the letters in the mail? the phone calls? the walks in the park? laying on the grass and telling stories? holding hands and just being silent and still?

These things matter. They are what we will remember in the end. The little moments are what our stories are made of. 

I think it is important to help write each others' stories. It's so simple to smile and say "hello" to a stranger. Eye contact only takes a moment. Reach out and touch those around you. Turn off the Ipod, put down your phone and use your voice. I bet it's a good voice.