Baby Mine

I love to watch Dr. Phil. Some of his guests drive me insane. Many, many, MANY times I find myself thinking "what a mess". However, I listen to what HE says. I think he really knows people. Dr. Phil is constantly saying "Children should NOT be born with a job."

Umm, in August of 1984, Tyson was given a job. Newly wrapped in my arms, his job was to bring me endless joy. He has done that faithfully.

My boy couldn't wait to see the world and came to us two months early. I had NO idea how small he was. Tyson stayed in ICU for a few days so Mark and I scrambled to get a few things for him.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, it was necessary to get him an outfit to come home in. We promptly bought a Steelers jogging outfit. Problem was, it was sized at 9 months.

Shows what I knew about babies.

It LOOKED small enough. It was HUGE on him. I rolled and rolled the cuffs and sleeves. Tyson came home in that outfit. However, due to the fact it was ENORMOUS and August is sweltering in Norfolk, Virginia, the outfit retired and reappeared later in life.

I have written how handsome, how smart, how giving my boy is. Have I mentioned how funny he is? He cracks me up.

Tyson thoroughly enjoys uttering little innuendos. He watches to see if anyone caught the joke and figured it. Then he laughs along.

I have spent 34 years in awe of this kid.

I had a few errands to run today and, tiring of the banter on the radio, I switched to my own music. OneRepublic came on with I Lived.

Years back, this was the song I used for our Christmas movie. At the time, I applied it to the entire family. Now, I just think of Tyson.

I hope when you take the jump, you don't fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all that you have
And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say...

I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy all your pain
But until my moment comes, I'll say...

YOU, you did it all
You owned every second that this world could give
You saw so many places, the things that you did
With every broken bone, I swear you lived

This kid has done it all.

He has a name in Provo where NOBODY has a name.

Friends adore his honesty. His kindness. His generosity.

He is a father. A son. A hero.

He has carried caskets of friends on his back at a time when he should have been skating and eating ramen with them.

He has taught adults adult behavior when he should have simply been a kid.

Happy birthday, Tyson. Thank you for your generous heart. Thank you for fulfilling your job EVERY SINGLE DAY. Thank you for your quiet humor. Thank you for letting others depend on you.

...you're so precious to me,
Sweet as can be, baby of mine.

Laughing At The World

A few months back this was my conversation with Mark:

"I cheated on you. And I'm not sorry."

I was aghast.

"You freaking read the next scroll."

"Yup."

"It wasn't time."

"I'm not sorry. It's a good one."

Jerk.

Mark and I are still reading Og Mandino's The Greatest Salesman in the World. According to the INSTRUCTIONS, Mark, you are to read ONE scroll three times a day for one month.

The book says: I will read each scroll for thirty days in this prescribed manner, before I proceed to the next scroll.

I swear Mark doesn't need the scrolls, he needs to learn to FOLLOW DIRECTIONS.

I went to Fresh Market this morning to grab a few groceries. While walking in, I ran into someone I knew and hadn't seen in years. I'm not sure she even knows about "me". I went to say "hi". I wanted to hug her and tell her "OHMYGOSH! I haven't seen you in forever! How are you?" Instead I drooled all over my shirt and spit when I tried to talk.

I called Mark. I had a melt-down. I absolutely-without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt hate the changes placed at my feet.

The scroll we are reading right now states: "I will laugh at the world. ...for a man is most comical when he takes himself too seriously."

Mark reminded me of this scroll. I can feel sorry for myself or laugh at what has come my way. I choose laughter. I choose to smile. I choose to drool while slurring the words  "I love you".

I'm telling you. GET THIS BOOK. Change your life. Change your thinking. Change your habits. Change your self-esteem.

Let's do it together.

Know that I don't believe swearing has a place in a public forum. Having said that, Elizabeth Taylor said something spot on..

You just do it. Your force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That's how I've done it. There's no other way.

Amen

The earth rotated 365.25 (yes, it's NOT 365 times, science line.ucsb.edu states 365.25. They are a SCIENCE site. They are smart people. They HAVE to be right. Right?) The point is, another year has passed, and yes, here we are back to Tanna's birthday.

One of Marks ever-most-favorite-teachers-of-all-time told him once that people don't want to hear about your kids. Mrs. Joe told him that in order to be a good writer you need to follow that rule.

Yep. I'm breaking all the rules. This blog is for Tanna. About Tanna. Because of Tanna.

Sorry Mrs. Joe. If you learned from me - as I adoringly followed you - I insist on doing things my way.

So, I'll write about Tanna.

When Tanna was still pretty young, I had a dream about my family. We gathered for Thanksgiving. The table was set. Turkey was sliced. Potatoes were mashed and pie was waiting. I looked around the room, chest was puffed with love and pride as I gazed lovingly upon each member. Sadness enveloped me. I realized Tanna wasn't there.

Years passed and I could not shake this dream. When Tanna "lost herself" for a bit, this dream came to the forefront and I was terrified that it meant she was going to die and not be at my table. I've calmed down a bit and have come to realize that for a few years, she WASN'T at my table. I WAS sad to not have her with me, however, I was NEVER overcome with loss. I STILL had a daughter. Alive.

The Deason wheel does not turn on a flat tire any longer. Tanna is home and my family is whole. Tanna brought the oh-my-gosh-he's-so-dang-funny, Jerico, with her and on the 27th of January, the cutest-baby-in-the-history-of-ever, Tyson, added to the Deason-family clan.

Tanna was the cutest, most-bestest little one, a ROTTEN teen, a WORSE young adult. Now? She's simply the bestest-most-awesome woman and cutest mother.

Every single day she sends video and pics of baby Tyson. She laughs at his antics, frustrates at his frustrations and swells with love when snuggles come her way.

Mostly, I watch her give of herself with time and love. I admire that selflessness. Jerico is a lucky guy. Tyson is a lucky boy. I'm a lucky mom. We are a lucky family.

My disease has brought challenges to this family. Tanna laughs when I laugh, cries when I cry, yells when I rage and lifts me when I cannot stand.

Have I ever mentioned that I love Tim McGraw? I do. However, climbing up my list of wow-I-really-like-this-guy singers is Dierks Bentley. Tuesday I was driving home from an appointment when the radio began playing his song Woman. Amen.

I'd lose my way and I'd lose my mind
If I faced one day on my own
I know I was saved
The night that she gave this drifter's heart a home

This world has a way of shaking your faith
I've been broken again and again
But I need all the cracks in my shattered heart
'Cause that's where her love gets in

Every night I should be on my knees
Lord knows how lucky I am
I'll never say near enough
Thank God for this woman, Amen

She gives me faith
She gives me grace
She gives me hope
She gives me strength
She gives me love
Love without end
Thank God for this woman, Amen

So tonight I will fall down on my knees
'Cause Lord knows how lucky I am
I'm gonna shout at the top of my lungs
Thank God for this woman, Amen
And thank God for this woman, Amen

Tanna, thank you for becoming the woman you are. I'm so proud of the mother you have become. I silently watch you learn and grow while taking the information needed to better your life. You will never be caged. Your free spirit is enviable. Always remember your strength. Your beauty. Your kindness. Your humor. Remember to use your words.

Oh yeah. Always remember how much I love you.

Happy birthday. I can't wait to see what you do with the year ahead.