Written In My Heart

A few years ago I did a breast cancer picture and titled it HOPE.  On the picture I put a quote from Norma Vincent:

What is hope? Hope is wishing for a thing to come true: faith is believing that it will come true. Hope is wanting something so eagerly that – in spite of all the evidence that you're not going to get it – you go right on wanting it. And the remarkable thing about it is that this very act of hoping produces a kind of strength of its own. 

I don't have faith in many things. Is that jaded? I don't know. I've found in MY life that just sitting and believing that something will come true doesn't seem to do me a lick of good. I'm sort of the "go out and get it" kind of gal. So I hope for things and then I go out and get those things. It wasn't until I read this quote that HOPE made so much more sense to me. The final sentence that states "the very act of hoping produces a kind of strength of its own" is what nailed it for me. 

I think we all hope for "a better tomorrow".  I think that hope is what gives us the strength to go out and create our tomorrows. I have had a couple of weeks filled with dread and worry and fear. I have let my strength ebb and hopelessness has filled up the empty spaces in my heart.

The other day a friend of mine shared:

Whether we like it or not, hope is written so deeply into our hearts that we just can't help ourselves, no matter how hard we try otherwise.

This simple statement has helped me "draw up my bootstraps" and get the fight back in me that I need in order to end the fear induced paralysis within me. I don't just hope for change anymore. I have gathered my strength to cause change. It's in ME to do it. Therefore, it WILL BE DONE.

Whimsy

A couple of weeks ago, Jaden, Daulton, Shelby and myself were in the jeep headed to the store. Because it is dead of summer and because I don't have an air conditioner and because I WORSHIP the sun, my top is off my jeep. Everywhere I go I feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my shoulders. Everyone complains about the heat. I don't. I love the sun. The hotter the better. I'm so happy in this weather!

Okay. Back on track. We were driving down the road and a sprinkler was spraying into our lane. There was nowhere to turn, so we went through it. We all screamed and ducked and got hit by the water. Then we laughed out loud.

Of course it triggered thoughts in my head.

Diana is a GREAT mom. When she has the kids they always look as if they stepped out of a magazine. Perfect hair. Perfectly matched clothes. Clean. Okay, let's be honest here, those two kids are the STINKIEST kids. Ever. But their cuteness makes up for the natural odor that befalls them, so it's an even trade.

Bill and Haily get dropped off at Grandmas house and if Diana and Tyson have learned anything about parenting, they have learned not to put the kids in their nice clothes when they visit me. Shoes are optional. A messy kid is inevitable.

We walk in the mud puddles. We dig in the dirt. We plant flowers. We weed the flower beds. We play in the sprinkler. We eat Otter Pops until the juice is oozing out of our t-shirts. I'm happy. They are happy. Win win situation.

Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember running and playing and laughing and shouting and dancing and singing without a care? Going through the sprinkler made me think of that. Watching the joy that Hailey and Bill show when they walk with me THROUGH the mud puddles instead of around them warms my heart clean through to my soul.

I said it before in another blog:

I'm not old (yet) but my time of wishes is more behind me than in front of me.

There will always be gardening and housework and bills to pay and dishes to wash and laundry to do and windows to wash. BUT I refuse to become stuffy and boring and grown up. When I can I will find that moment of whimsy and embrace it. I'll jot it down in my happy book and remember that moment forever.

Here are some things I highly recommend:

• walk through the mud puddle  • sing out loud • take your shoes off and feel the cool grass between your toes • put on that swimsuit and go to the pool. Listen to the pure joy that the kids share naturally • eat Otter Pops • buy some Converse tennis shoes and ROCK them. If you REALLY feel adventurous buy them in a blue or red or purple or multi color. Just wear them • walk through the sprinklers that cross your path • eat with your fingers. Don't even get out the silverware • skip rocks at the lake • turn off the air in your car and roll down the window • lay on your back and count the stars or make shapes out of the clouds or watch fireworks or make out with your soul mate. • talk to your kids about trivial-it-doesn't-really-matter stuff (because it really DOES matter most in the end) • play hopscotch or jacks or jump rope or hula hoop or kickball or Speed or tag or hide and seek • eat bubblegum and blow a REALLY BIG bubble • get in a food fight until your clothes are covered in mashed potatoes • make your kids roll their eyes at you • say "I love you" a lot

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~Kahlil Gibran

It's All About Perspective

I have always believed that in a fight, both parties are right. I think most arguments are based on emotion, and how can you be wrong if you are hurt or angry or lonely or confused? I am always telling my kids "take the emotion out and deal with the facts". Usually the facts aren't NEARLY as overwhelming as the emotion of the moment.

Daulton and Shelby have been best friends for quite a few years now. Mark and I always pushed for Goose to date Daulton. She was such a perfect fit for our family. We joked with her. We teased her that if Goose wouldn't date her that I would dump Mark and she could marry HIM so that we could guarantee that she would be a Deason. I'm SURE she is grateful that Goose stepped up and proposed.

I really didn't know for sure if she was interested in Goose. We just loved her and wanted her in the club. At Christmas time a few years back Shelby and Daulton had tagged along while I ran to Sam's Club to get some pictures developed. Above my piano in my "Pooh" room I have a wall with an 8 x 10" photo of each of the kids as a baby. Directly below their infant picture I put a current picture of their happy faces.

I had gone to Sam's to grab their pictures so I could update my wall and when the girls pulled out the picture of Tyson I was going on and on about how handsome Tyson is. (Which he IS terribly handsome) when Daulton said "Yeah, Tyson is handsome, but (she pulled out the pic of Goose) Goose is HOT".

I was so excited I about wrecked the jeep.

There has been a standing rule in the Deason home. This rule was VERY STRICTLY established by my boys. There was to be NO dating of friends. NONE. The girls honored the code. They have NEVER dated the friends of my boys. On the other hand, Tyson is with Diana who happens to be best friends with Tanna and Goose is happily married to Shelby's best friend.

I told Shelby that Goose really SHOULD ask Daulton out. Shelby talked to Goose. Goose talked with Shelby. Shelby talked to Daulton. Daulton talked to Shelby. The stars all aligned and Goose was dating Daulton.

Then the storms hit.

Things became complicated in the trifecta of Goose, Daulton and Shelby. There came a time when things were terribly tense and difficult and hard for each of them. I was worried about all of my kids.

My back porch is directly below my bedroom window. We use my window to access my roof. I (forcefully) told the kids to get out the window and sit down. I needed to talk to them.

We sat on the roof of the patio and I made them each tell me what they saw. They saw the trampoline. They saw the neighboring yards. They saw the wishing well in my yard. They saw the playhouse. They each stated the different items that they viewed.

They were each correct.

I talked to them about perspective. I shared my belief that in most emotional situations each party is right and that it is up to us as human beings to see the other side.

I don't know how much impact I made. Somehow they worked it out and came to terms with the emotions that were boiling inside of each of them. Daulton married Goose. Daulton and Shelby remain best friends. Goose and Shelby's relationship is still cemented in love.

I think EVERYONE should climb up on their roof from time to time. I believe we should all look around and see the world with different eyes. I am convinced that if we gain a different perspective during difficult times that most of the drama melts away and love will replace anger and hurt and fear.

Climb on your roof. What do you see?

Learning to Be Still

I've been a fighter my entire life. Nothing has ever come easily to me. I entered this world fighting and I am positive that I will exit this world with my fists held high.

Sometimes I feel like I am constantly on alert, that I always need to be aware of what is going on in order to run interference for myself or someone I love. Marilyn says that I throw on my cape of fairness and I feel it is my duty to "save the day". Makes me laugh, but she's probably right. I have always felt I was strong enough to fight battles that others are too weary to take on themselves.

A few blows have come my way and I'm finding myself in a position of having to be still and think before I act or react. A friend of mine shared the quote:

 "To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."

I've thought about this quote HEAVILY over the last couple of months. The last two weeks I have thought about it every single day.

I'm learning to be still. I'm learning that I can't control everything. I'm learning to allow myself to depend on those that love me. I'm learning to forgive unfairness. I'm learning. I'm learning. I'm learning.

I'm succeeding. I'm failing. Depends on the moment.

I want the universe to surrender to me. I desire the beauty of peace to envelope me and embrace those I love. I long for comfort to wrap it's arms around us and never let go.

So, I will learn.